sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We have so much sex to catch up on
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
