forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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