i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
