I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
