A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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