Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
