do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
