You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize