so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
