The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
