I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
