Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
