btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize