Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
