Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
