she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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