My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize