my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
