peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I think my fart just growled at me.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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