Where is the hickey?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
