last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Houston, we have a blender
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
