he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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