I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
