If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
