What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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