This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
