So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
