UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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