She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
