Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
