please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
