everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
