I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
