I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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