her vagine was all disorganized.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
