we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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