so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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