just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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