She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
