She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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