You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
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