Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
