remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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