i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Randomize
