the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
