How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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