..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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