i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Mom said you looked used
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
