Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize