Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
