I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
