My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
