This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
