I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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