Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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