He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
