i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
