i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I feel like abortions should bother me more
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
