Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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