that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
