the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
