I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the day after is always just damage control
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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