he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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