some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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