Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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