There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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