Yo dont text me then not text me
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
