She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
