it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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