dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
