Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize