see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
