This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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