why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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