I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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