Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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